phones dial out as well as receive

Good lord, what is wrong with people?

I try to not allow my expectations for the relationships I have with my friends & family get in the way of our actual relationship, yet no one ever reciprocates. This has been something that has frustrated me for quite some time; if you're pissed at me, or anyone really, for not calling you, and you don't call me either, shut. the. fuck. up. Seriously.

It doesn't change anything between us, it just means that I am trying my hardest at that moment, to stay focused in that moment. It has nothing to do with you and I, it's just that sometimes it doesn't work out. Life is just one moment after the other, so my attention is constantly called for where ever I am. People allow their own insecurities to overcome their relationships; to rule their relationships. Shit, rule their lives. If you are ever bitching about how someone doesn't call you, or keep in touch as much as you would like them to, stop right there, PICK UP YOUR GOD DAMNED PHONE, and call them. Bitch me out for not calling you if it makes you feel better, but at least you can satisfy whatever expectations you have at that moment and don't have to ruin the relationship we do/could have by fuming on it during my/your absence.

Most likely I will be thrilled to hear from you. Most likely it would make my day. Most likely it would strengthen whatever bond we have. Instead, I actually hear from a only handful of people. Then I hear nothing but shit from a auditorium of inconsiderate people who don't even take the time to consider that maybe there is a reason I haven't talked to you. Maybe my life is consumed at the moment, by whatever it is, and I just don't know how to express it over the phone/internet. Maybe I'm just down on myself and I don't think that anyone would even want to hear from me. Maybe I am having to live my life and put up with the same bullshit that we all have to deal with on a day to day basis. Whatever it is, when I talk to you finally, or see you finally, how the fuck can someone justify putting up these woe-is-me walls around them. I don't want to talk to you about how I didn't talk to you, or the obvious fact that YOU DIDN'T CALL ME EITHER! I want to talk about how much I missed you, and how great it is to be able to see you. I want to talk about allll the things I missed, and I want to tell you all the you've missed.

That is the beauty of this human experience; we all share it. I would have to spend my entire day on the phone, having the exact same conversations, with all of the people in my life that I truly care about. Think about how many people in your life want the exact same amount of attention from you? How hard is that to juggle? I wish we didn't have phones, I wish we didn't have computers, because with them we are supposed to grow closer and all they do is pull us further from each other. We spend our lives glued to our phones and computers desperately trying to bring our 'social' life together and make it more efficient, when all it does is cheapen your relationships. I hate talking on the phone, I hate text messages, I hate anything that is used to communicate that removes the most important part of communication; feelings. I would rather see your face, and feel your words coming out of your mouth....because I actually care about what you're saying and don't want to cheapen it up with a fucking facebook message. It works in small ways, but when you try to perpetuate a relationship with these 'social networking' tools it will always fail. Why? Because you always place your own feelings onto whatever you read no matter what. You don't truly know what they were thinking and feeling when they wrote it, and a lot of times relationships are ruined over these exact miscommunications.

Communication is breaking down. Trust the people you love. These are the only two things that I feel like saying at the moment.

I might come back and edit this a little bit more, but I'm tired tonight.